Emotions

First off...warning for all readers....this post will be filled with raw emotions and thoughts. It may seem like rambling, but it's what I need...

I've been away from the blog world for a little while now. Not because I didn't want to write, but because I didn't know how to write what I wanted to. So many thoughts have been "stirring" around in my brain for awhile now, and I still have no idea how to put it all into words, but after praying and seeking God, I feel like He's telling me "who cares?!" "just write!"

See, writing is therapeutic for me. I sometimes struggle with having so much on my mind that I'm not able to sleep at night. (I'm sure many of you can relate) Writing let's me get everything 'off the brain'. It may not always make sense, but it helps.

Matthew 6:25 - 27 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Those of you that know me well, know that I tend to worry about everything things. It's something that I have struggled with all my life. Now that I look back on my past, so many of those 'things' were mere 'things'. I laugh and think "why did I ever worry about that?" God knows what is best for me "For I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jer 29:11) Then in 1 Peter it says "Case all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." (5:7) Again, why would I worry or get anxious over anything?! God says it over and over again that 'He's got this'. Everything is in His control. But you see, that is another one of my week points, I like to have control over things. I like to plan everything out.(another trait that many of you already know about me) I don't like surprises. When things don't go the way I think they should or the way I had planned them to go, I start wondering why.

Back in July I came across this prayer, " Lord, when I'm tempted to worry, fret or obsess, remind me to pray, trust and let go!" It has become my daily prayer!

My job title is a Human Resources Associate. (and please don't read this the wrong way; I absolutely LOVE my job and I LOVE most all of the people I work with! (maybe not everyday, but everyone has their bad days, including me)) I work 8+ hrs each day, Monday - Friday. Some refer to me as the 'HR gal'. Some days I'd love to change my title to 'HR counselor'. On any given day, I may not get anything on my to-do list done, but instead have employees in my office talking through struggles they are having, whether it be at work or in their personal life. Every new employee that I welcome, I tell them that my door is always open. I want them to feel like if they have no one else, they can come to me. I try and leave everything work related 'at work', but sometimes it's just hard! Some of the struggles that I know some employees are going through just break my heart and so many times you would never know it when seeing them in the hallway! As I've once read, "Everyone you see/meet throughout your day is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind and give them a smile...they made need it!" SOOOO true! I have this hanging up in my office. So many people put on such a 'good face' and carry on as if nothing else is going on.

Believe it or not, I'm one of those people. You see I'm a very emotional person. My husband laughs at me when I'm sitting on the couch watching a movie laughing and then the next thing he sees is me grabbing a box of Kleenex because I'm bawling. I can't help it, I get it from my mother. LOL There have been so many times lately that I've felt like crying, but yet I tell myself I can't and hold it back. In fact today on my drive home from work, I just wanted to cry! I could feel the pressure building up around my eyes like they were going to burst, but yet I only allowed for a few tears to stroll down my cheek. Why!? Why do I feel like I have to hide it?! Do I feel ashamed?? Do I feel quilt?? Am I angry? Am I scared? My answer to all of those questions...I don't know....All I can do is continue to seek God. He already knows and understands what I am going through, and He's slowly helping me through it. He's the one who laid on my heart to 'just write'! I believe the time will come when He gives me the words to share the details of my struggles. Until that time, I just ask that you keep me in your prayers.

2 Timothy 4:17 "But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength.."

Until next time....